Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
