The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
