I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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