Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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