i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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