no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
