This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
