I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
