She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
