I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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