omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
