The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
