Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
