My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
