I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Alive.
So much puke
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
