I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
