Screwed.edu
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
