Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
