I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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