WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
