I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
