I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
