shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
