another moral hangover. fuck.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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