You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
