when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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