saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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