We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
