Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
