your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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