I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
