i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
