Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
