We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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