I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
