We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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