thus making me awesome and them whores
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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