I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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