just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
