it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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