cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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