If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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