I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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