Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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