i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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