dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
