we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
