god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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