My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
