Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
