So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
