Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
