Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
