Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
