Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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