hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
