who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
