Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
