Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
