dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
