He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
