Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
