Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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