We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
