Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
