hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
