You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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